Moving through sometimes means noticing when you’ve already been somewhere…
I haven’t written here in a long time. I couldn’t bring myself to finish the 7days of memories posts, and I am sorry about that. I was having a hard time getting those together as they were bringing me BACK to some place inside me that I have already dealt with and have moved beyond. The suggestion of that sort of post in succession is a part of a series of bad habits I have in churning my emotions. This mixing among other issues that I haven now of sharing my feelings openly cause me to not even want to post here on the day of the countdown date- you know what I mean, the day of the year my mom passed away that will forever be recognized as that day. I realize a lot of the people that follow this blog found it while the hardest parts of my life were happening, when without even thinking I was openly sharing parts of my life as a release while away from the basic parts of my life here in San Francisco. I did this because I did not feel supported at all by most anyone around me, nor my friends and community- a few people were there fort me, but really the work fell on a wee few- some of which I have since sadly lost touch with. Over the years in relating to people about my experiences, I am finding this to be quite normal. Understanding that reading the timeline of events has been helpful to people (I receive emails from people about how my candor has supported them while losing their mothers or fathers) I didn’t feel comfortable moving forward with my hap-hazard blogging without acknowledging why I didn’t write a memorial post here on the third year date on March 7. I wrote a short post on facebook, and added this image:
What I can say here is that this third year, the turn, wasn’t as painful as the last but easily could have been. With conscious effort I am doing my best moving forward from all the parts of me left behind and taking with me all the parts that I am finding use of.
It has been very challenging for me to come to a place where I am able to say that everything is taken care of. I say that, and many people really have their own idea of what that means, I mean it in the most simple was you can possibly say that.
I have found myself in a place where I never knew i’d come to, a place where all of a sudden what was originally thought to be impossible is imply not. I am not questioning it, not am I really open to talking about it with many people just yet. But with diligent yoga practice and adding in kriya in the AM has been so enormously effective I cant even explain it.
What is new?
There’s a lot.
I am considering doing a number of “update” posts, but we’ll see.
Also, there have been many changes to my main website- FaernWorks.com please check it out!
Click above and you will be taken to all the information…
Thank you all so very much,